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already_dead
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Name: Queen Sharon
Metro:
Birthday: 11/14/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Sleeping, sushi, riding my bike, zoning out, wearing sweaters, collecting tin lunch boxes and postcards; Music: Suburban Legends, Postal Service, Utada Hikaru, Reel Big Fish, Usher (My boo), Ben Jelen, Josh Groban, The Cure, Relient K, Minkus; Movies: 13 going 30, X-men 1 and 2, Sound of Music, Donny Darko, I heart Huckabee, Beauty and the Beast; Stars: David Beckham, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Harold Lee, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law, Christian Bale.
Expertise: being an idiot, laughing
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
AIM:  stalkerwhome
Member Since:
5/26/2003
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| I think I finally get my boyfriend. It was hard in the beginning because he sent mixed messages, but now I feel like we are very strong.
He really makes me happy. I feel really lucky to be with him. We balance each other. He always surprises me. Next month we're planning on going on a road trip. I'm really excited. I know we're going to have a great time. He took me on a picnic twice. He is so sweet.
We make a good couple. | | |
| I've recognized that I haven't been fair to myself. This whole thing with Ivan looks like a mistake. It all started with me wanting to see his photo's on his phone. He recently went to LA and I wanted to see his photo's. He wouldn't let me, so I asked him why. He said I was being controlling. This is a very strange behavior since when we were together he always let me use his phone. I've seen him let other people use his phone. He got really defensive about it, then started blaming me. He said I was too controlling. Then he starts bringing up that other guy Javier, and saying I cheated on him. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but it looks like he's hiding something. I feel in my heart that he probably has cheated on me. I've been naive to think that he hasn't. I don't trust him and I can't get past that. I've also thought about what I've gotten out of this relationship, and the only thing I could come up with is money and medical insurance. He doesn't meet my emotional and sexual needs. I feel like he's been emotionally abusive. He's very controlling. He checks on me all the time, but I ask him a simple question and he freaks out. There's something going on with him. I deserve to be with a man that I can trust and love. If I can make it through today without talking to him, I think I can break away from him. | | |
| My Birthday's on Friday, but I don't feel really happy. Ivan and I have been talking, but I just don't see us being together. There isn't much I can do. He won't move out, he says there isn't anything going on with him and his ex, but why should I believe him. He hasn't done anything to build trust. I just can't hurt myself waiting for him. He says he loves me and cares, but he doesn't show me that.
I went to the club for my friends birthday last Friday. That was really fun. I love dancing. I'm trying to go out more. My co-worker and I are going to see George Lopez on December 5th.
I just feel sad about everything. I'm getting older and nothing seems to be getting better.
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| I was a bit down today, but I feel like I can breathe again. I worked this morning, then came home and cleaned my room. I finally got together the last bits of Ivan's things and threw them in my car. I'm going to drop it off at his work tomorrow. Strangely, I feel happy now. I feel like the pieces of my life are finally coming together. I'm slowly dragging myself out of debt. I'm planning on exercising. Next year I'm only taking 2 classes, so I'll have more free time. I feel better now I opened my eyes to the situation. I'm ready to move on.
Things I want to work on:
- Manage debt
- Exercise
- Spend more time with Missy and Leon
- Garden
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| Last night I really thought about this situation. I decided to look at his webpages again to see what he was up too. Not much on his page, but I checked his ex-girlfriends and it still had these nasty photo's of him and her up. I text messaged him to take them down. He called me this morning to talk. At first we were very lovey dovey, but as soon as I mentioned those photo's he shut down. He got very defensive and made excuses, which didn't make any sense to me. If you're trying to get back with your wife, you should be living with your ex and you shouldn't have fuckin nasty photo's with her. All I wanted is the photo's to be down.
He said he couldn't get them down because he didn't have a computer = BS because there were new photo's on his page. He said he had no control over her page = BS, if this is your "friend" then why can't you ask them to take it down. He made it a very huge deal. This leads me to believe that there is something more to this.
I told him it was over. I shouldn't have to be competing with this bitch. I'm the fuckin wife. At this point, I just don't have good feeling towards him. I'm sad that it's over, but today it was clear what my decision should be. I need to be strong. I don't want to go back to him. Why would you have some bitch post those kind of photo's and why would you be involved in them? He said it was a joke. One had him with a condom on his mouth standing behind her. That's not fuckin funny. He said there was a lot of people there, but it doesn't look like that. I can't be with someone I don't trust and I can't be with someone that can't see what he's doing wrong. I wouldn't take photo's like that with a friend or even a lover. The whole situation is very suspicious and I have a right to be. Everything points that he's lying and cheating.
I'm just not going to talk to him anymore. He just can't see what he's doing is wrong. I can't pretend anymore. Part of me still see's us together, but I can't hurt myself like this anymore. I can't find a better more loving person till I'm over with Ivan. | | |
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